This song looks to me that it reflects the backstory of a certain religious leader who had a close experience with death, and upon realizing that things weren’t as blessful after all, abandoned her teachings to live on.
★ Title: ブラック・ロータス
☆ Album: 屠 -Hohuri-
★ Album Artist: 凋叶棕
☆ Vocals: Meramipop (めらみぽっぷ)
★ Lyrics and arrangment: RD-Sounds
☆ Original Titles: Emotional Skyscraper ~ Cosmic Mind (感情の摩天楼 ～ Cosmic Mind)
★ Website: http://www.rd-sounds.com/
今際のときにさえ
その道を説くこと
imawa no toki ni sae
sono michi o toku koto
Even at the brink of death
preaching that path
その心に幾ばくかの影 在れば或いはと
sono kokoro ni ikubaku ka no kage areba arui wa to
“If there are some shadows in your heart, or otherwise…”
いとしきその名を呼び
どれほど惜しんでも
itoshiki sono na o yobi
dore hodo oshindemo
Even if you called out that name dear to you
no matter how much you don’t want to move on
その声が此処を向くことは 終ぞ此の時
ありはしなかった
sono koe ga kochira o muku koto wa tsuizo kono toki
ari wa shinakatta
that voice wasn’t facing this way anymore
not at all
せめて 最後には 応える言葉を
一言二言さえあれば
あるいはそれが かなしむ胸中
取除いて くれたかと
嘆きの哭 呼びさますことも
できずに 届かぬ距離を錯覚う
semete saigo ni wa kotaeru kotoba o
hitokoto futakoto sae areba
arui wa sore ga kanashimu mune
tori nozoite kureta ka to
nageki no oto yobi samasu koto mo
dekizu ni todokanu kyori o omou
“At least if I had even one or two
words to respond in the end
or otherwise if they took away
my grieving heart”
I deludedly think about the unreachable distance
from which no voice or sound of anguish can call awake
私はこうして独りになっていった。
watashi wa kou shite hitori ni natteita.
Like this I had become all on my own.
もう、誰もいない。独りになる。
それが恐ろしいのかと。自問えば。
そうでもあり。そうではなく。
ただなぜか戦慄く手の。
わけのわからぬまま。止められなく。
その衝動に埋もれながら。
mou, dare mo inai. hitori ni naru.
sore ga osoroshii no ka to. toeba.
sou de mo ari. sou de wa naku.
tada naze ka wananaku te no.
wake no wakaranu mama. tomerarenaku.
sono shodou ni umorenagara.
Not anymore is there anyone. I’ll be in solitude.
If I question myself whether that’s something dreadful.
Whether it is. Or if it isn’t.
I still remain unable to understand why.
Why my hands just tremble. Unable to be stopped.
While I’m buried in that instinct.
私は何を怖れている。
watashi wa nani o osoreteiru.
What am I afraid of.
握り締めていた手を
開いて見つめれば
nigiri shimeteita te o
hiraite mitsumereba
If I open up the hand I held firmly shut
and take a good look
見る影無く枯れ細った手に 老い白んだ髪
miru kage nakku kare hosotta te ni oi shiranda kami
Near unrecognizable, I see aged whitened hair in my thinned withered hand
私はあなたほど
強くも無ければと
watashi wa anata hodo
tsuyoku mo nakereba to
“If I’m not even
as strong as you…”
この心に幾ばくかの影 振り払うなど
できはしなかった
kono kokoro ni ikubaku no kage furi harau nado
deki wa shinakatta
I couldn’t even shake off a few shadows
from my heart
曰く そも受け入れ難きことにも
心の在り方を正せばと
寄辺とした 教示さえ今
空しければ 意味は無く
うつろうべく 生きることは苦と
思い至ることも必定と
iwaku somo uke ire gataki koto ni mo
kokoro no arikata o tadaseba to
yorube to shita oshie sae ima
munashikereba imi wa naku
utsurou beku ikiru koto wa ku to
omoi itaru koto mo hitsujou to
They say “if you reform your heart’s ways in things that
from the start are difficult to accept..”
If even my resorted teachings are now
empty, it’s inevitable to realize
that living for the purpose of change
without meaning is suffering
わたしはこうして独りになっていく。
watashi wa kou shite hitori ni natte iku.
Like this I am sinking into solitude.
そう、生きていたい。消えてしまう。
それが恐ろしいのだと。気付く。
何物でもなく。何者でもなく。
ただこの身だけを惜しんで。
老いて消えゆくまで。止められなく。
その衝撃に打ちのめされて。
sou, ikiteitai. kiete shimau.
sore ga osoroshii no da to. kidzuku.
nan demo naku. dare demo naku.
tada kono mi dake o oshinde.
oite kie yuku made. tomerarenaku.
sono shougeki ni uchinomesarete.
Yes, I want to keep living. I’ll end up disappearing.
That is indeed dreadful. I realize.
Without anything. Without anyone.
Holding close this body alone.
and growing old until fading away. Unable to be stopped.
I’m overwhelmed by that shock.
私は怯えているのだ。
watashi wa obieteiru no da.
I am indeed afraid.
こうして消えていくは世の倣いであるなど
わたしはもはや認められない
kou shite kiete yuku wa yo no narai de aru nado
watashi wa mo haya mitomerarenai
To fade away like this is just how the world works
No longer can I accept that
あの花の形を移したこの髪さえ
わたしはもはや認められはしない
ano hana no irodori o utsushita kono kami sae
watashi wa mohaya mitomerare wa shinai
Even the hair that changed the shape and colour of that flower
no longer can I accept
ゆえに、手繰り寄せる。この両手で
道を踏み外そうとも。それが。
信じたもの。 縋ったもの。
全てに背を向けようとも。
我を喪うこと。止められよう。
その願いさえ叶うのならば。
yue ni, taguri yoseru. kono ryoute de
michi o fumi hazusou tomo. sore ga.
shinjita mono. sugatta mono.
subete ni se o mukeyou tomo.
ware o ushinau koto. tomerareyou.
sono negai sae negau no naraba.
Therefore, I reel in. With both my hands
Even if I shall stray from my path. It’s.
what I believed in. What I clung to.
Even if I turn my back from everything.
I shall be able to prevent. Losing myself.
As long as that wish comes true.
生きてこそ至れるものへ。
ikite koso itareru mono e.
then off, towards things lead to only by living.
―もう、何も怖れない。
―mou, nani mo osorenai.
―Not anymore, am I afraid of anything.
